A Day of Loving

For the month of June, my husband and I have been invited to three weddings. We have attended few weddings over the course of our marriage. Among most of our contemporaries, we were the last to get married. As I have been sitting and watching young people enter a new union, I am very mindful this month of the upcoming Loving Day Celebrations.

Mildred and Richard Loving

The case of Loving vs. Virginia is rarely discussed in school. However, it has made a huge impact on many of the families that we see in our classrooms. In 1967, there were still 16 states with anti-miscegenation laws. The Loving case struck them all down citing "There can be no doubt that restricting the freedom to marry solely because of racial classifications violates the central meaning of the equal protection clause”. There are celebrations all across the United States celebrating Loving Day on or around June 12^th. 

The marriage of Mildred and Richard Loving was the focus of the case. It was about a young African American female and a White male who were married in Virginia 45 years ago. It was also about the state laws that were still in place banning interracial marriage.  Mildred was arrested for marrying Richard. 

Thinking about the case reminds me of stories my mother told me when I was a little girl about how difficult it was to find someone to marry my Uncle Earl, a black man and my Aunt Rosemary, a white woman. It is so interesting that others find it necessary to create barriers for something as personal and private as marriage.  Does the community surrounding the couple need to approve of the marriage? The sad answer, in my opinion, is—yes.

During the weddings we attended, I was taken back to my own wedding. I am in an interracial marriage. We found that 21 years ago, few people in our immediate circles openly supported and felt comfortable with our marriage. There were members of my husband’s family who found the union so uncomfortable, they opted to not attend the wedding. In fact, for some time we were not welcome at some family functions. There were colleagues who were clearly bothered and questioned the validity of such a marriage. We lost friends, family, and colleagues for some time. 

The weight of it all wrapped around us like a heavy chain that we were sentenced to drag with us through life. We questioned our decisions, wondering if we had turned those who once loved us unconditionally from our lives permanently. The joy of a new beginning was dimmed by a dark cloud.

At one of the weddings we recently attended, the Rabbi ask those present to say a prayer for the things this couple may need as they journey through life. So, my wish for this young, happy couple was that they are constantly surrounded by people who openly and willingly wish nothing but positive outcomes for them—unconditionally. I prayed that it surrounds them like a blanket to comfort and support them every day. Of course they will have the struggles and problems that every family experiences. But to have the open well-wishing from others is so important. I didn’t realize it until lately how difficult it really is to start a marriage dealing with the anxieties of others. I can’t imagine how if felt for Mildred and Richard Loving; for my Aunt and Uncle at a time of intense national racial tension. 

The good news: after 21 years of marriage, my husband and I now have the support of all members of both families and have surrounded ourselves with people who love and wish us well. Of course, the world has changed a great deal in 21 years. I read that there is even a movement to make Loving Day a national holiday. It is a shame that we have to celebrate the fact that we have been granted the right to marry the person we choose.  Many couples never needed to think about this being a right that is granted. 

But, we still have another battle to fight with the same short-sightedness present 45 years ago. This time the issue is not race--its gender.  My prayer remains the same: may all unions of love, all couples, and all families be surrounded with unconditional love, support and well-wishing—ALL.